How Counselling Brings Change

I see as counselling as working in 3 overlapping stages.

First, you talk while I listen. You get used to opening up about how you experience life, while I support you in exploring this experience. Being heard may in itself feel releasing, you may well feel better for the fact that things can be voiced. But at the same time some things begin to surface that are difficult to mention. Things forgotten or avoided. We learn together what is difficult to talk about and you start to trust that we can hold the more difficult aspects of your experience between us.

Second, we begin to understand. We understand more fully what brings you, the true nature of your experience of life, its origins, the patterns, how your life plays out in relationship to others but also how you relate to yourself – what do you think and feel about yourself? Without this understanding it is difficult to change your experience of life. The depth of our understanding increases. You will find yourself suddenly remembering things or making connections for the first time. So we understand more but we also begin to be able to tolerate not understanding as well.

Third, you begin to notice a change. I don’t believe that therapy inevitably brings some kind of magical change. However, I have seen clients gaining relief from the pressures that bring them to counselling. I think in terms of acceptance of the more difficult experiences of life and openness to change. We sit with our life differently. As part of this we realise that the difficulties that brought us served a function in our lives; now we begin to see our choices and the possibilities for the future. We get a sense of growth.

None of this is straightforward. None of it happens overnight. And it’s not pain-free. But it is worthwhile.